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  • I proudly accept the title of crazy!

    Heyyyyy y’all!

    I’ve been so ready to update y’all about all the happenings on this end. But I didn’t know where to start because it’s soooo much. But if I keep pondering on a perfect topic, I’ll never be able to write. So excuse me but I’m just winging it this evening a bit more than usual. LOL

    The biggest change is I’m taking a break from work. Too be 100% honest, I was overwhelmed, constantly anxious, no longer happy, constantly in fear of loosing employment and my performance was poor. I was getting trouble at work, having schools constantly call me about my kids tardiness and absences. I was so overwhelmed with working full time, trying to manage all the kids needs, the household, be a wife, show up as a friend, good sibling etc. I was showing up for everyone but myself and still felt guilty for not doing enough. When I tell you my mind starting to tell me the most awful and viscous lies.

    I’m sure you’ve heard, “feeling like you’re not good enough”. But when the feeling also becomes a reoccurring thought or voice in your head, there is a pain that becomes so intense, you’d try anything to stop that pain. When that pain becomes intense, it can feel like you’re so low that the only direction you can go is down. It’s like your energy, purpose, enjoyment of life, and soul has been separated from your body. In fact for me the emptiness became physically painful.

    Because people don’t want to be deemed crazy they don’t tell the truth. My truth is I wanted the mental pain to stop so bad that I’d rather not be here. I felt my kids would be better of without me and deserved a better mother. I started accusing my husband of the craziest things, even if I didn’t say it out loud. Like moving my keys to make me seem like I’m going crazy. Then I would go into thoughts of feeling like a burden. The cycle is vicious!

    But please don’t be ashamed. Many people don’t share because of the shame as been classified as crazy. I’ve been call crazy all my life. And I’m crazy enough to share my testimony while getting help. Help looks different for everyone. Help can be medication, talk therapy, coping skills, or even hospitalization. Getting help doesn’t make you crazy. It helps you take control of your life and get back to living the life you enjoy!

    I can go into many details about my recent experiences. But to sum it up; I had days of constant crying, panic attacks, self deletion thoughts/fantasies, depression to the point I would sleep for 12 hours at a time. No bathroom break needed. I’m sharing this because their are people that are ashamed, or embarrassed to say these things. So I’ll be your voice and know you’re not alone. You’re not crazy! Bipolar disorder, depression, schizophrenia and other mental health disorders are chemical abnormalities in the brain. Not a choice or result of poor coping with life.

    And another thing. Please stop saying there is nothing you can do for a person in a mental health crisis. Especially a friend or family member. You can admit you don’t know how to respond or what to say but help the person get the help. NAMI had great resources. But don’t hand someone a pamphlet and leave it at that. If a person is in a crisis, do you really think they’ll stop and look at the pamphlet. Help make some calls to those resources. Ask the person in crisis if you would like to stay on the phone for support and just listen in.

    If someone does choose to self deletion it never is anyone else’s fault. But you always have people that feel guilty and go over the what if’s when it’s too late.

    Please see NAMI contact info below.

    -Britt

    Call the NAMI HelpLine at 800-950-6264 or chat with us M-F, 10 a.m. – 10 p.m., ET.

    https://nami.org/Home

    In a crisis, text “NAMI” to 741741 for 24/7, confidential, free crisis counseling.

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  • Why I’ve Been MIA

    Heyyyyy y’all!

    I know I’ve been missing for awhile. I’ve been feeling guilty about not posting and nervous to post.

    I originally started this blog to educate others on navigating the healthcare system. People loose hundreds and thousands of dollars just because no one takes the time to explain insurance, medications, when to go to the ER vs. urgent care, etc. And just because healthcare is complicated AF!

    This has kind of turned into my journal/dairy that incorporates my experiences that usually relate to healthcare in some way. Likely because I have so many chronic illness healthcare is a large portion of my life. Ugghh….I’m so tired of adding diagnosis to my health record. Which is the reason I’ve been MIA…..Let me explain.

    December 2021 I had an incident in which I was not in touch with reality. The entire day was a mess. I had a cycle of being tearful, angry, sad and confused. Sometimes I had these symptoms all at once. The story of that day will be told in another post. If I get the nerve to post it because it was pretty bad. Anyway….

    January 2021 I was so lucky to get diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Now known as bipolar spectrum disorder. And it’s been difficult y’all.

    I’ve been embarrassed and grieving the idea of normalcy. It’s been so many emotions. I literally spent the last several months going back and forth on what I should write about. But my new diagnosis was the only thing on my mind. I always want to be truthful to y’all and I didn’t want to come back with…Hey I’m bipolar.

    It’s been a journey. Dealing with a mood disorder as a mom of 3, one a special needs child, working full time, a wife and so may other things hasn’t been a walk in the park. Some days bipolar knocks me down. But I’ve never got knocked out so I stand back up and fight. And it’s a tough battle DAILY!!!

    I would love to go into more details on my symptoms, the day I knew it was more than depression, how I was diagnosed. But I’m tired, it’s almost 12 AM. If you are interested in hearing more. Check back in. Also, feel free to ask questions about bipolar disorder or my journey. My ig is @iambusybri

    I’ll be back soon. ✌🏽


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